evet uzun bir aradan sonra tekrar beraberiz, ama bu kez vedalasmak uzere. bu dA, hem artik ilgimi cekmemeye basladi, hem de.. ne biliyim. ailevi seyler var iste. mesela israil'e tasiniyor olmamiz gibi. Uzuluyorum, babamin buna aciklamasi sinagoga giderken 3-5 kisinin beni dovmeye calismasiydi. Ciddiyim, saka yapmiyorum. Bir suru kiside babamla konusmamaya basladi zaten. anneannem desen, o zaten israil'e gitmek icin can atiyor. dini duygulari kabarik bir insandi zaten hep. beni de oyle yapmak istedi ama olmadim, ama artik kacis yok gibi. cok aci birsey artik turkce konusamiycam. ibranice kendimi ne kadar ifade edebilirim ki? annemin akrabalari var orda, onlarla hasir nesir olcaz, artik bende kabala okuyup, sabat gununde sabahtan aksama kadar yan gelip yaticam.
normalde babamla burda az cok birbirimize tutunup gidiyorduk, anneannemi de idare ediyorduk. ama orda herkes anneannem gibi dusunsenize.. belki umdugum kadar kotu olmayacak hem iyi tarafida var israil'de tip okuycam daha ne istiyorum ki ama ne biliyim istanbul'dan ayrilmak zor geliyor iste.
fazla uzatmiycam, zaten aglamakliyim uzatip daha da zorlastirmiyim isi. kisaca hepinize bay bay millet. sizinle olmak guzeldi. eglendim.

Farewell everybody,
it was nice to be here with you and see that my art is being appreciated but it came to an end. we are moving to Israel, it's somewhat getting hard to live here, my dad's job is not going so well.. so we just had to move.
dA doesn't interest me anymore, but it was nice being here. I'm so happy that i made friends here. Bye everybody.. wish me luck.

ifendim gecen gun dersanede oss modunda fakat cok da benzemeyen bi sinav olduk.
Sadece 1. bolum, mat1 fen1 turkce1 ve sos1 den olusuyordu fakat hepsi gordugumuz son konu olan lanet olasi integrali anlamayip anlamadigimizi olcmek icindi. yani bu ne demek oluyor derste
"Anladiniz miii?" sorusuna ne kadar durust cevap verip vermedigimizi gormek icindi sayin seyirciler.
Fakat sinava girmeden once, okulun super yakisikli cocugunun onunde kendimi ezdim resmen..cok feci pot kirdim yahu.. olay soyle gelisti.(x: yakisiklim, z: ben)

x: ya naber zeynep?
z: iyiyim, senden?
x: bende bildigin gibi iste.. bak sana ne anlatcam. dun aksam benim okuldan cok hoslandigim kiz var, o bize geldi...
z: (yaaaa.. off. niye geldin de bana anlatiyorsun. *kahroldugum an*) Eve mi geldi?
x: ya bi odev mi ne alcakti, ittiri bittiri bi proje iste.
z: Oooohh...
x: ?! ne?
z: yok bisiy devam et canim.
x: ya hizmetciler de degil ben actim kapiyi ama pijamalarim vardi ustumde yaa...
z: (pijamaliyken acmasaydin sende) kapiyi acmasi icin hizmetci mi tuttunuz?
x: ....

Nedir bu.. o an zaten bittim, oldum ben. Bide pot kirdim ya. Tabi bu kafayla sinava girdim ben. sosyal mosyal, turkce murkce hic cozmedim. sadece integral cozdum, bir tanede fizik cozup ciktim.
Sonra ertesi gun sinav sonuc belgesi geldi..
120 soru'dan 31 net!
Yasikili geldi, "aa sinav sonucuna bakiyim" diye feryatlenince, gosterdim..
"Aaaaahh.. cekmissin 31, komik kizsin zeynep, valla Puhahahaaaa"
Evet sayende diye cevap verme cesaretini gosterdim. sonra bide "piskologa gitsene sen zeynep, sorunlusun bu aralar sanki. gecmis olsun canim." cevabini yedim.. iyi mi?

Aksam babam gordu belgeyi..
"oooo.. 31'i de cekmissin sinavdan. aferin"
Dedi. boyle alcak bi 3 gun gecirdim iste.

kötü günler yaşanmak içindir.
evet artık ben de saf salak iğrenç bi polyanna olmaya karar verdim. İyimserlik yakışmıyor bana ama mutlu eder belki.
ya asıl ilginci mutlu olduğum şey hakkında onun kollarından mutsuz olabilmeyi ne yapip edip başarmak..
kahretsin. bu gece de uyku yok.
mutluluk da çook genel bi kavram. o yüzden meryem ama tağınağında sadece mutluluk suyundan içmiştim sağlık para kısmeti es geçip. mutluysan tamam zaten. değil mi? hasta olsan fakir olsan kaç yazar. mutlu ol.
Burçlara inanmayan ben kendimi gözlemleyerek ve burç özelliklerimi okuyarak ya kendimi kova kalıbına soktum yada vardı öncelerden yeni farkediyorum. 1 dakika önce havalara uçabilecek mutluluktayken ani ve gereksiz bi olayla batabiliyorum. Yada ota boka üzülürken birden bire mutlu olabiliyorum. Çok gri bi özellik.
Şifreliyim evet. size yazmıyorum zaten. ben anlasam yeter.

Bizim evde 3 tane Mustafa Kemal'imin tablosu var. Biri benim odamda, digeri salonda, oburu de babamin calisma odasinda olmak uzere tam 3 tane.
Bazen goz goze geliyorum, bakiyor bana o masmavi icime isleyen bakislariyla. Sanki firlayak resimden binecek atina ve gececek ordusunun basina.
Gozlerine bakiyorum...
Bu ulke, cumhuriyet sana emanet diyor bana.
Soz veriyorum Atam'a.
Atam soz veriyorum, cumhuriyetine zarar gelmesine izin vermeyecegim! diyorum.
Gozlerine bakiyorum, o masmavi denizler gibi engin gozlerine..
Tesekkur ediyorum, Atam sana tesekkur ediyorum, tesekkur ediyorum bize ozgur oldugumuzu, kole olarak yasayamayacagimizi hatirlattigin icin, bizi ezmelerine izin vermedigin icin sana tesekkur ediyorum.
Sehitlerimize, her karis toprak icin canini vermekten cekinmeyen sehitlerimize tesekkur ediyorum.
Bu topragi kanlariyla islattiklari icin, kanlarini gelecek nesillere akittiklari icin..
Mustafa Kemal'imi dusunuyorum, atinin ustunde ordusunun basinda dusmana meydan okuyor!
BU KADAR UCUZ DEGIL BU TOPRAKLAR diyor.
Askerimiz ardinda dusmani yok etmek icin hazir, silahlariyla degil inanclariyla, vatan sevgisiyle yok ediyorlar dusmani.

Burdan tum askerlerimize sesleniyorum. Ulke icin sehit dusen, vatan ugruna dusunmeden canini veren asklerlerimize sesleniyorum..
Umutlarimiz sizlerin elinde, sizlerin ellerinde yeserecekler.

Suan askerde olan Aytac Yamac'in([link]), asker arkadaslarinin, vatan ugruna canini veren, hainlerle son damla kanina kadar meydan okuyan sehitlerimizin, vatan icin canakkalede, kafkaslarda, ve diger tum cephelerde canini veren topragimizi kaniyla besleyen sehitlerimizin, gazilerimizin Cumhuriyet Bayramini kutlarim. Nice 85. yillara..

1. Will you answer every question honestly?
I WILL TRULLY LIE!

2. Have you ever stayed up all night while drunk or high?
OOH YEAH HARD PARTY NIGHTS WITH LOTSA SE-...(kidding) okay [link].

3. Have you ever punched anyone in the face?
yes, my ex.

4. Do you miss anything or anyone?
NO! I'm a total insensible fucking emo.

5. What makes you laugh no matter what?
*shows pinky* This.

6. Who was the last person you talked to?
The screen.

7. What do you dislike at the moment?
the bug in my room, and the dead rat in the back yard.

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1. Do you think it is bad to have sex at your age?
Humans at my age are most fucked up creatures,so can sex make it worse?

2. Will you get married?
too early to thin about it right now.

3. Will you be doing drugs in the near future?
NO!!

4. Do you lie about your age?
No.I don't have to,people are stupid enough to mistake it alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. Are you happy with yourself?
sometimes yes. but some times no. Actually I've no freaking idea.

2. Would you change yourself for the person you love?
Yes...No..Maybe...Wait-why would he want that? :\

3. What do you think about when times get hard?
MORE SHIT TO MAKE IT WORSE! -i'm such an optimist-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SECRETS

1. When did you last cry?
I blame the movies.

2. Do you believe in religion?
No.I believe in God *hi5ves at sky* Yes, I don't stick with religious rules, even I've some people around that state that I've to follow them all the time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SHOCKING

1. Have you done bad things with your parents near by?
Maybe...

2. Have you started a horrible rumor about somebody?
Neh,it was the fucking truth.

3. Did you ever fail the school year?
Not yet.

4. Have you ever been too drunk to remember a certain night?
No.

5. Do you think your future will be a good one?
I'd better be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE DEEP STUFF

1. Do you think you were raised well?
More or less,yah.

2. Do you have a secret that you've never told anyone?
I have secrets that I haven't told myself yet.

3. How do you handle stress?
Get a annoyed person face and shut up trying not to punch anyone.XD *yah,relaxing~

4. How would you spend your last day alive?
Running around "IM GONNA DIE IM GONNA DIE"

5. Do you hide things well or do you have a guilty conscience?
I just have a bad memory.

6. If your parents got divorced and you had to pick mom or dad to live with?
Umm.. yea, I don't have a mom. so i'll stick with my dad. but definetly without my grandma.

7. If you had to choose between having one family member or 5 of your closest friends?
This question is just made to answer friends,cause there is one annoying relative you never wanted,and 5 *wow,4 more* friends you choose yourself,now isn't that a hard question.
BOTH!

8. Do you think you could ever forgive someone who murdered your family member?
WHAT FAMILY MEMBER?!?!?!?!

Yes,I'll try to forgive him taking a damn rose to his grave as a piece sign.Hope you're burning well bitch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. Do you think you know the meaning of love?
No,I suck at this.But at least I'm trying.

2. What’s the most important part of a relationship in your opinion?
Communication. And keeping the frying pans away from the others head.

3. If your parents didn't like the person you were dating, would you lose them?
No,I'll stick both sides to me until they eventual loose it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. Do you spend time with the same people always?
Yes.

2. Do you think best friends can be replaced?
No.You make a collection of best friends that in the end are mostly strangers,you never replace them,you just loose them.

3. When is the last time you were truly happy with your life?
I was?

4. Do you think long distance relationships are ever really worth it?
Yah.

5. What is your favorite color?
Black, and gray.

6. What do you do when you have a bad day?
Cry, and go to bed.

7. Do you really think exs can be friends?
Yep.

8. Who messaged you last?
I messaged myself to see if the damn phone was working XD

9. If you could pack up and leave your life now to move away, would you?
Depends.

10. Do you fall for people easily?
Not at all.

11. Are you quick to start a fight?
Nop.

12. Do your parents really know YOU?
Nop.

13. Lyrics stuck in your head?
Yes. Lacrymosa by Evanescence

14. Are you tired?
Nop.

15. Do you own an iPod?
yes, ipod video black.

16. Do You Prefer Regular Or Chocolate Milk?
Chocolate FTW!

17. When Was The Last Time You Had Starbucks?
Last week.

18. Do You Think People Talk About You Behind Your Back?
They do,and I don't give a damn.

19. Why would they?
Cause I'm such a good conversation subject :>

20. Is Anyone In Love With You?
Yes.

21. Ever Cry In Public?
Yes.

22. Are You Currently Wanting Any Piercing Or Tattoo?
Right now,NO.

23. What’s The Weather Like?
Cold.

24. Would You Ever Date Anyone Covered In Tattoos?
Umm.. don't really know. Maybe. not if he's a punk.

25. Do You Pay Attention To The Calories In The Package/Box?
Never.

26. Do You Use Sarcasm?
No.I use Irony.

27. Do you get along better with the same sex or opposite?
Opposite,females are weird :\

28. Do You Watch The News?
Sure, every evening.

29. How Did You Get One Of Your Scars?
Pointe Shoes! Ballet = Pain

30. Who was the last person to make you mad?
My Grandma ofcourse!

31. What kept you up last night?
Sleep.